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Kicking The King
Canberra, New South Wales.
It has been a tumultuous month in Australian politics with 5 senators, including Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce, being kicked out of the Senate for holding a dual citizenship. But the saga doesn’t end at years of lies, $9 million in senatorial salaries being paid to people who were legally ineligible to join the senate and a series of what should be invalid policies.
No, after senate President Stephen Parry declared that he is probably a British citizen, accusations regarding the King of Swaziland have ripped the nation apart.
“It’s a shame.” A local woman told us. “He’s probably one of the most progressive people in the senate. And I always trusted him. His 14 wives speak so highly of him.”
Los Angeles, California.
Fantastic Mr Fox superstar, activist and the world’s only self proclaimed vilified person worth $65 million, Meryl Streep has rallied Hollywood for a noble cause. No, not correct pronouns – California already has harsher penalties for mislabeling someone than intentionally giving them HIV.
Streep has taken a brave stand against Harvey Weinstein, the man she once refereed to as a God.
“Gentlemen just don’t exist anymore.” Streep told Relentless. “I remember when Hollywood was full of progressive and tolerant people like my good mate Roman Polanski, you know? I mean, all the girls he abused consented!”
Washington D.C, District of Columbia.
Antifa United has lashed out at the National Holocaust Museum, referring to the institution as “fundamentally Nazi” for not recognising the deaths of non-binary Jewish people killed in the second world war.
“It’s like they don’t know anything about history.” An unnamed Antifa Comrade told reporters in a local Starbucks. “Like, they don’t even know basic science either. People are either born male, female or other! Using math anyone should be able to deduce that at least 33% of holocaust victims didn’t identify as male or female. I mean, hows the hypocrisy? Shaming the Nazi’s for their treatment of Jewish people while mislableing the very same Jewish people. I don’t even know whats worse!”
After months and months of defeat, ISIS have reaccessed their goals and decided to aim for a local Caliphate Council rather than domination over the whole Middle East or world. London Mayor, Sadiq Khan, has already offered IS London as a suitable option:
“Terrorism is just part and parcel of big city life and it is up to us Londoners to learn to deal peacefully who those actively trying to murder us. I mean, why be alive if someone can call you an Islamophobe?”
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