The Ice Epidemic In Australian Politics

Written by Al S. Drozd

Only a fortnight ago, I wrote that if you were to judge Australian politicians by their actions they appear to be a bunch of wasted jocks with no understanding of the word politics, let alone the profession. But I am here today to write that I was wrong and I am sorry. Judging from NSW’s Premier Gladys Berejiklian, it is more than obvious that the vast majority of Australian politicians are ice addicts.

Miss Berejiklian was recently so in need of a fix that she sold the state-owned Vales Point power station – valued at $730 million by buyer Sunset Power International – for a mere $1 million dollars. It is sad to see such a respectable woman reduced to such selfish acts, so desperate to chase the dragon again she is willing to fuck over the very people who elected her.

Lying and refusing to admit to herself what it was she is actually doing (as all addicts are guilty of) Gladys claimed that the $1 million price tag was actually more than the mine was worth… Yes, I know how unthinkable under-valuating anything so much sounds to sober people but you need to approach the situation with empathy. I’m sure it is easy enough to make such a mistake when your 5 days into an ice bender and need to come up with some quick cash and fend sleep off for another week.

Miss Berejiklian needs our help, love and support. There is hope for her recovery yet. Pawning assets for dirt (or coal) cheap prices is a rookie move in the junkie world. It is the long term addicts who rort the system to pay for their addiction that are beyond help. Addicts like former Victorian Premier Jeff Kennett.

Jeff Kennett’s time in Office wasn’t all that beneficial for the public he burned chasing his addiction but you can see how much he learned in the process. Back in the 90’s Kennett was nothing more than a rookie junkie, much as Gladys is now. Kennett cut school budgets, fired public workers, sold roads, energy companies, transport systems, anything and everything to cover his drug debts, because every junkie knows it’s better to burn those you love than have your legs broken by an angry dealer.

But now Kennett is living the high life on his tax-payer-funded pension/welfare. The tax payer even shouts Kennett an assistant to help Kennett source what he calls “that dank shit”, covers his travelling fees because Kennett sometimes smokes so much ice that all of Melbourne goes dry and he has to fly interstate to score, and for any supplies that accompany Kennett’s addiction, like the paper clips he buys for 55 cents each and uses to unclog his pipe.

Kennett’s biggest rort of the system, though, is the office he rents off his wife for $200,000. Yes, the tax payer pays $200,000 so Jeff Kennett can use a building that his wife owns, just so he can shoot up in private luxury without messing up his mansion.

Australian politicians being such blatant dirt bag junkies make it strange to see government funded anti-ice campaigns. They are the Antfia of the drug world, practicing the very ideology they claim to be against.

But those ads were right about one thing: Ice Destroys Lives. There simply is no way for high politicians to do their job. Without help, they will continue to burn Australia, to steal from the taxpayer and pawn our collective commodities for one-seven hundred and thirty millionth of what they are worth. And without ever realising the repercussions of their actions.

Australia is on the brink of summer, the most energy-demanding time of the year, yet one of Australia’s elected officials sold a power producing plant to a private company who let demand dictate their prices. Let me put that in a way politicians can understand: You know how when ice supplies dry up and there isn’t enough to satisfy all the junkies, prices increase? Well, the same goes for energy you dumb fucking crack heads.

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