Malcolm Turnbull Needs Alcoholics Anonymous

Written by Al S. Drozd

They say to judge a person by their actions but judging Malcolm Turnbull by his actions so far this year makes him looke like a drunk at a local footy club’s mad Monday celebrations – shouting his mates at the free-to-air TV networks their licensing fees, making it rain $30 million on da boiz over at Foxtel and then inciting an argument with the unwitting Australian population, dividing them into rival groups and spending $120 million on a postal vote none of them want all because, well, YOLO, it’s a boys night out and Turnbull is all about that sesh life, yo.

But, in true addict style, it’s not Turnbull’s own money he is spending with his drunken and generous antics. It’s the Australian tax payer’s.

Of course, leaders are entitled to spend taxes. It’s a part of their job. But an even bigger part of a leader’s job is to actually lead. And wasting more than a hundred million dollars on a marriage equality plebiscite everyone rejects is beyond unprofessional and downright dumb. Malcolm Turnbull needs to stop behaving like a good-hearted junkie overwhelmed by life and get some balls, do a Gaddafi and stand up for his opinion, even if it’s the wrong one.

Even more ridiculous than the term plebiscite is how much Australia’s national marriage equality plebiscite is costing: One hundred and twenty million Australian dollars. That’s six of Malcolm Turnbull’s Point Piper mansions, ten forged citizenship papers for Nick Xenophon, thirteen stupid cowboy hats for Barnaby Joyce (who needs to buy a fake citizenship from Nicky Z) and one much-needed personality transplant for Bill Shorten.

Seriously though, is every politician in Australia just shit faced all the time? So drunk that they think they’re still overseas instead of in the Australian Senate? That is the only plausible excuse the seven dual citizen senators have. Maybe it’s not welfare recipients who need to be paid with cashless cards but politicians. Both do live off the tax payer afterall but, evidently, it’s the politicians who spend their whole wage at the bottle-o.

Please Prime Minister, this doesn’t come from a place of hate but love. I care about you and the country and only want what’s best for both. And that is a clean and sober senate, one which is aware of the fact that it’s actually in Australia and not on a Contiki tour at Oktoberfest. One which doesn’t keep buying rounds and kebabs for everyone with the taxpayer’s wallet. And one that is confident enough in itself to not waste $120 million on a dumbarse vote the voting public adamantly resisted.

Please Malcolm, just put the bottle down. We don’t all have tax havens in Panama. When you throw money where it’s not needed, it’s comes from the pockets of hardworking Australians.

Please, Mr Turnbull, please, seek help.

Yours truly, 

LSD, Relentless

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>spending $120 million on a postal vote none of them want all because, well, YOLO

… I enjoy participating in democracy. If only to watch it fail.